"Brantley Gilbert? Lee Brice? Gabby Barrett? Truly never heard of them. All their truest fans are welcome to show up and tell us what we’re missing, but until or unless, we’ll continue to play hooky from that particular activity while we listen to DeBÍ TiRAR MáS FOToS some more. (That’s the Bad Bunny record that just won album of the year at the Grammys. It means “I should have taken more photos,” a woke thought from a woke man in a woke language. MAGA wouldn’t understand.)

Also no Nicki Minaj? Sad. Will Erika Kirk be there, or will she have something better to do besides grifting that day? (LOL.) Maybe Erika can do some kind of funny sketch where she chases JD Vance around the stage and lures him onto a couch that’s got a wedding ring hidden somewhere in the cushions, while she calls ICE on Usha." —Evan Hurst