Subject: Funny/Not So Funny
MAGA Fuckhead On The Road. His Mind Is Twitchin’ Like A Toad.

In the Oregon incident — in Douglas County, where Yr Doc Zoom lived as a child — Simmons started his Thursday morning early by calling the Roseburg office of the Oregon State Police to complain he’d seen “foreign” people driving on the freeway. By 8:18, multiple agencies were responding to several 911 calls about shots being fired and other incidents as Simmons drove north on I-5 in his Ram pickup, apparently on a self-assigned mission to rid that bit of Douglas County of foreigns.

Among other allegations reported by local media from court documents, Simmons walked up to one man’s vehicle and demanded to know, “Are you loyal to the country?” after which he started banging on the window with his gun, and fired two shots at a passenger who ran for safety. He missed, hooray for MAGAs who can’t shoot straight.

At another point, Simmons drove up to a man who was walking along the interstate, asked if the man was a US citizen, then told him to get in so Simmons could take the man to the state police. When the man was reluctant to obey the armed lunatic, Simmons fired a shot at him and missed; the man ran behind the center barrier of the freeway to hide, and fortunately there was no traffic.

Simmons also tried to carjack a guy whose vehicle he rear-ended, according to a statement to police by the driver after he was taken to a hospital for x-rays.

He said Simmons told him he was an armed militia on a mission, and needed to take his vehicle, but the vehicle wouldn't start. He said Simmons also tried to stop another truck and take it, but the driver took off.

After that, Simmons even tried to carjack the ambulance that arrived to transport the guy he’d rear-ended, but without success. It’s apparently harder than the Grand Theft Auto video games would lead one to believe.

The Dipshit Rampage finally came to an end when police arrived on the scene — within 10 minutes of the first 911 calls — and found his pickup with front-end damage. Simmons refused to comply with the cops, but they arrested him after using a taser on him instead of shooting him, one big difference from how ICE and Border Patrol goons have behaved in Minneapolis.

Police said Simmons had to be sedated before being transported to a hospital, and that he told them “he could smoke more weed than Willie Nelson, and that he was taking Zoloft to treat PTSD and mental health disorders.”

Simmons’s Facebook account is full of weird rants, most of the weirdest shit posted in the two days before he went on his one-man militia mission. A sampling, before his page inevitably goes away:

Screenshots of three January 29, 2026 Facebook posts by Charles Simmons. 1: 'Do not negotiate with someone you feel is a threat to our nation.' 2: 'Would any one of my fellow law abiding citizens that knows a non citizen that self deported, and is worthy of protection of the laws of free men. Please forward their names and information and I will advocate for their return and citizenship as Americans with only America's interest.' 3: 'We are justified in arresting and detaining all police officers in the state for not upholding law and order. They have all violated the constitution by not arresting our governor for her crimes. We have seperation of power. They are unmanned for this liberation. We must use reasonable force against them if they resist in any way.'
In other posts, he wrote that Democrats all loved slavery, which is why they support illegal immigration so they can have more slaves, and was very upset that Black people don’t see what Oregon is doing to reestablish slavery. He also explained that anyone who imposes taxes must be killed.

https://open.substack.com/pub/...