Subject: Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an angry outburst Tuesday morning, Donald J. Trump lashed out at Joe Biden for violating the fragile Middle East ceasefire.

“The ceasefire was working perfectly and beautifully until Joe Biden broke it,” Trump said. “This should never be allowed to happen in this country.”

Trump refused to disclose precisely how Biden had violated the ceasefire, but darkly hinted that “people are saying it can be done with a laptop.”

He also blasted the “far left lunatic media” for refusing to cover Biden’s violation of the ceasefire, warning, “This better be in Tapper’s next book.”